February 1, 2014

 1. Woke up feeling sore from dancing last night at Hairball.

2.     Congratulated myself for being cool enough to have been dancing at Hairball.

3.     Mentally acknowledged I was dancing in a pack of middle-aged women trying to relive their youth and decided that was still cool.

4.     Composed a Facebook post that made my trip to Hairball sound cool and exciting in an effort to make all of my friends jealous.

5.     Remembered tomorrow is scout Sunday at church and I hate scout Sunday.

6.     Posted about how much I hate scout Sunday.

7.     Remembered I am a scout leader and have to go to scout Sunday.

8.     Went to my 10 year old son’s basketball game.

9.     Commented on how much larger the other team members were than Jason’s.

10.  Contemplated asking to see their birth certificates and/or school permits as I suspected they may have been pulling a Chinese gymnastics team-style stunt.

11.  Walked to the car thinking about how amazing it was that ping-pong changed the world.

12.  Got home and checked my Facebook, discovering I had offended friends with a post about fishnet stockings on women over 40.

13.  Changed my post to one about side ponytails.

14.  Checked my Facebook again and realized I had offended friends with my post about how much I dislike scout Sunday.

15.  Composed a Facebook post about offensive Facebook posts.

16.  Went grocery shopping with Jason and he said “Let’s pretend I am the dad and everything you put in the cart you have to say, “’Can I have this, Dad?’ first.”

17.  Said “Can I have this dad, 27 times before I gave up.

18.  Got to the check out and when the girl at the check out asked me if I had found everything ok, I said “No, the multi-grain tortilla chips were hidden behind the regular tortilla chips and it was nearly a disaster.”

19.  Realized she didn’t really think my close call fit into the category of not finding everything ok.

20.  As my groceries were being rung up, I looked across the store and waved at a friend.

21.  Realized she was not actually my friend, panicked and pretended I was trying to shake my hand to improve circulation. Shouted loudly, “Darn hand! It fell asleep again!”

22.  Got home and checked Facebook ,realizing I offended a friend with my post about side ponytails.

23.  Decided I had Facebooked enough for the day.