January 2014

Drove home in a blizzard listening to the announcer on public radio read the weather, repeatedly telling me there was no snow in central Iowa, only north of Highway 20.

I wondered if the announcer on public radio really couldn’t see out the window and thought about calling her to inform her of the weather in case she needed my help.

Listened to the NPR news while I drove and wondered why all the newscasters on NPR have strange names like Oddy and Drury.

Wondered what it would be like to grow up with a name like Oddy.

Wondered why I didn’t have a cool name like Oddy.

Wondered why the NPR newscasters all have strange voices and then tried to mimic their voices. Kept saying “I’m Oddy Cornish” over and over until I pulled into my garage

Pulled into my garage and remembered I had to take my daughter’s car in to get the brakes fixed.

Swore a little bit and told her to get in her car and I would follow her in the blizzard to the garage.

Drove to the garage.

Guy behind the counter explained to me that, because it was 10 minutes until they closed, he wouldn’t get to my car until tomorrow and I wondered whether he really thought I wanted him to fix my brakes in 10 minutes.

Gave the guy the keys anyway.

Drove home muttering “I’m Steve Inskiv,” in my continued effort to have a voice that is worthy of NPR news.

Checked my Facebook to see if the friend who unfriended me had decided to request my friendship again. He hadn’t.

Composed a Facebook status that made me sound nicer than I am.

Grumbled about how much I hate making dinner.

Posted to Facebook how much I hate making dinner, hoping my friends would feel sorry for me and tell my husband he is a tyrant because he insists on eating dinner every day.

Checked my email and learned my son got in trouble at school again.

Talked to my husband about the infraction, informing him that teachers simply struggle to handle boys as brilliantly creative as our son and husband agrees

Had a conversation with my son where we pretended the teacher was right and withheld the information that he is a creative genius. We will reveal that sometime later like a Hogwarts admission letter. Best to keep him a little more humble now.

Wondered what student of mine would be creatively misunderstood tomorrow as Karma’s way of getting me back.